[a definition]

First, A Dozen Seconds assumes that the hoped-for Perfect Wedding ♥ first and foremost addresses the needs of two (just 2) different people–the bride and groom.

A true marriage involves “two-becoming-one” in important ways.  If a year after the ceremony a couple can honestly say that the planning of and participation in that event, regardless of details or outcome, significantly enriched the decision-making part of their new “2-in-1 life,” the wedding was perfect.

(Our door leads to MORE…)


[MORE]  Look carefully at these facts and clarifications:

(1)  I didn’t say “perfect marriage”;  I said “perfect wedding”–the one-time event that will never, I repeat never, go exactly as planned or dreamed about.

(2)  I didn’t deliberately exclude the concerns of family and others who attended.  If that is (usually, but not always) an overriding concern of the bride and groom, it is still a secondary concern, and would be part of “the needs” of bride and groom as listed above.

(3)  The Devil is in the details (bad choice of words…..I’ll start again…)  The details (possible rain, snow, sweltering heat, lost notes, tangled-up ceremony, lost electrical power, flat tire, exorbitant cost, cold food, fainting bridesmaid, fighting groomsmen, late minister, horrified new in-laws, whatever…) are simply that–details–that, perhaps it will take a year–or ten–to properly reflect upon, may be just the right small steps for two different persons to act–as often they must–as one, often making surprising but necessary decisions that, on reflection, were actually constructive, even delightful (perhaps in an odd way), and memorable.  If that was so, the wedding was not only real but perfect.

How dare I risk saying such things?   My wife and I are just back from a large, enjoyable wedding.  (Fortunately, I located my suit in the back of our closet.)  At our assigned reception table we stuck our necks out a bit and even made some new friends.

We were glad we went.  That wedding, of course, wasn’t about us.

Our wedding was about forty years ago.  It took place in the front yard of our pastor’s small lakefront cottage with only his wife (who’d made a small cake) and two friends in attendance.  Money was tight and we had to immediately head east to my new job.  Total Cost: $50 including the rings we bought at a discount store.  I did wear a tie, however.

As we drove home from yesterday’s celebration we discussed our own wedding from long ago.  We unanimously agreed: It was  perfect.

The six quick pictures snapped on that day have hung on our bedroom wall for forty years.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Karen

I love you.